awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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