is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
PANTIES FOUND
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
