Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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