I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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