Rock
Scissors
Fuck
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
