Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
