you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
