This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
