My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
