she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
