saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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