i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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