Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
