And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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