I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
