If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
even my farts smell like vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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