FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
