just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
