WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
