I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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