sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
