My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
