My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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