Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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