just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
