I will die if light touches me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I want a musical about memes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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