i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
