We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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