Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
