I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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