Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
