Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
