Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
