Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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