Those balls look pretty dangerous.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
