She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
