I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The power of my boobs compel you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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