He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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