I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
