I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
