I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Two words: blizzard sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
