it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
