Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
