Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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