Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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