First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
