ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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