Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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