my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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