please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
