Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
