You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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